Rack of Nerves

The bane of my existence has always been the audition process. I freak out 100% of the time. I know the reason this happens is because I so badly want the person for whom I'm auditioning to love me. You could put me in front of 10,000 people and tell me to sing, and I wouldn't bat an eyelash. However, put me in a room with just one or two people for an audition, and I fall to pieces.

So in my usual fashion, I fell to pieces last night. I had a crew of 5 plus my piano player. I was very close to tears while getting into make up. I couldn't stop wringing my hands. I was jittery and shaking. My throat was dry and my mouth felt like it was packed with cotton.

We did three takes of the song from Rent, and then I threw in a take of "Some Kind of Wonderful" just as a back up in case my chosen song really fell flat. I watched back a bit of the footage from the third take and it looked alright to me. However, I still have to sit and listen with headphones before I can make a decision about which take is the keeper.

I'm terrified that I blew all three takes. I'm terrified that everyone in the room was lying to me to protect my feelings and the actual truth is that I sucked it each time. I'm terrified that everyone I know has been lying to me my whole life about my singing abilities.

I want this more than anything I've ever wanted in my whole life. I've auditioned for a lot of stuff over the last 10 years. And yes, there were gigs that I didn't get which devastated me. But this is on a whole different level. I want this so badly I can practically touch and taste it.

I truly believe everything happens for a reason. And I also believe that everything which has happened in my life has led me to this moment.

The proof will be in the pudding once my editor downloads the footage. Until then, I'm gonna try to cool my jets and focus on other things. Like work on a Plan B if my nerves managed to wreck Plan A.

Tonight! Tonight!

I'll be taping my song tonight for my audition. I'm really excited and very happy about my song choice. I don't want to give it away, but I can tell you it's from Rent.

Once the song is in the can, I can move on to the scene I've written. The scene will be icing on the audition cake, so to speak. If I can get it shot and edited by next week, I'll submit that along with the song.

There's been a lot of chatter on various Glee fan sites that the online submissions are about to open up. So I really need to hit my song out of the park tonight. I want to be the first one out of the gate when they green light submissions.

T-minus 5 hours until the cameras starting rolling!

More Audition Info

I follow a ton of the Glee fan site Twitter pages and today this came in:

#GLEEKS! You WILL Be Getting A MAJOR Audition Opportunity This FRIDAY! Stay Tuned! #GLEE @UltimateGleeks RT!

I'm FREAKING out! I am finally over that stupid cold which had me sidelined from any singing for the better part of two weeks.

I am currently trying to nail down a night to shoot my song but there always seems to be something standing in my way. First it was being sick, then it was my camera operator's schedule and now it's my keyboard player's schedule!

AHHHHHHH!!!!

I feel like time is quickly slipping away and this opportunity may not be around for as long as one would hope.

I have to get in touch with everyone and see if they can do something with me on Friday night because who knows, this may be my only shot!